The Saga of the Wine Bottle

For literally two months, I've been trying to open this bottle of Black Swan shiraz and after nearly twisting an arm out of the socket each time, have given up and gone the much easier route of uncapping a few bottles of beer. Only tonight, back on the Atkins Diet and trying to shed some of the pounds I've put on (drinking beer), after a particularly horrible trip to Smith's (I thought suburban moms were made aware by their ill-behaved, ill-bred children that Halloween was approaching long before its eve?)--I decided this fucking wine bottle was coming open whether it liked it or not. The problem? No, I'm not retarded--just faced by one of those rubber corks that refuses to be penetrated by a corkscrew bottle opener. Well, I'm happy to say that after stabbing myself in the hand and I'm pretty sure dislocating my left shoulder, I am now enjoying a delicious, tart serving of shiraz from the depths of a Roberto's Taco Shop plastic cup.

Sorry I haven't blogged in a while. I'll blog more later.

Work Sucks (But I Need the Bucks)

I just found out my friend got fired from our shared place of employment. That sucks because I would love nothing more than to pull a Jerry Maguire moment "I will go with you!" Now will you please buy my book, or tell all your friends to buy my book, and maybe send a copy of it to some movie star who might want to make a movie out of it--so I don't have to be a slave to small business America anymore? I'm just kiddin', of course. I know most of you have already exhausted your Love Like That promotion abilities! Still, it's a real pile of shit that my friend got canned. Let's just hope I'm not next in line for that honor because believe it or not, even with all my fame and fortune as a published author, I really need the $$$!