The Saga of the Wine Bottle

For literally two months, I've been trying to open this bottle of Black Swan shiraz and after nearly twisting an arm out of the socket each time, have given up and gone the much easier route of uncapping a few bottles of beer. Only tonight, back on the Atkins Diet and trying to shed some of the pounds I've put on (drinking beer), after a particularly horrible trip to Smith's (I thought suburban moms were made aware by their ill-behaved, ill-bred children that Halloween was approaching long before its eve?)--I decided this fucking wine bottle was coming open whether it liked it or not. The problem? No, I'm not retarded--just faced by one of those rubber corks that refuses to be penetrated by a corkscrew bottle opener. Well, I'm happy to say that after stabbing myself in the hand and I'm pretty sure dislocating my left shoulder, I am now enjoying a delicious, tart serving of shiraz from the depths of a Roberto's Taco Shop plastic cup.